How to Deal with a Narcissist

Protecting Your Energy Without Losing Yourself

Some people leave you feeling confused. You go into a conversation feeling fine and come out doubting yourself. You try to explain how you feel but somehow you become the problem.

If you’ve experienced this more than once, you may have encountered someone with narcissistic traits. And if you're an empath or highly sensitive person, you're more likely to find yourself in these dynamics not because you're weak but because you're wired to give, to feel deeply, to listen beneath the surface.

Lately I’ve noticed a significant increase in clients bringing this issue to sessions. Not just those in the thick of it but also those watching it happen, often helplessly, from the outside. Family members, friends or colleagues stuck in the grip of someone who seems to manipulate or control them.

During a session I often hold space for people who’ve spent years trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to be helped. They've absorbed blame, contorted themselves to keep the peace and lost sight of their own needs in the process.

Listen, it’s not your job to heal someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own behaviour. But it is your right to protect your nervous system, your truth and your sense of self.

Let’s look at why sensitive people often get drawn in and how to stay rooted in your body and your energy field when someone tries to pull you off balance.

What is a narcissist really? This isn’t about confidence or liking yourself. Narcissism is a pattern of behaviour rooted in control, insecurity and fear.

Traits may include a lack of empathy, needing constant admiration, dismissing your feelings or experiences, gaslighting, guilt-tripping or always expecting special treatment. Some narcissists can appear generous, spiritual or charming but the moment their control is threatened, the mask slips. If you challenge them you may become the villain.

Why do sensitive people often attract narcissists? Empaths and highly sensitive people tend to feel others’ emotions deeply, believe in second chances, want to fix pain with love and excuse bad behaviour in the name of compassion. To a narcissist this kind of open-heartedness can seem like an invitation, not because you're broken but because you shine.

They’re drawn to your care, your softness, your light. But they don’t know how to honour it.

If you're someone who sees the best in others, you are not to blame. But you do deserve to be protected and that begins with stronger energetic boundaries.

So how do we stay grounded?

First, it’s important to detach from the drama. Narcissists often create chaos to stay in control. Try not to get pulled into emotional games. Respond simply and clearly without excess emotion. You don’t need to justify your choices.

Second, let go of trying to be understood. You could explain your truth a hundred different ways and still be ignored or twisted. They’re not listening to understand, they’re listening to regain control. Save your breath and your nervous system.

When communication is unavoidable, perhaps in co-parenting or at work, it can help to use the “grey rock” method: keep your tone flat, don’t share personal details and remain emotionally neutral. Narcissists feed on reaction. Don’t give them yours.

Hold firm boundaries and expect resistance. You might be guilt-tripped, ignored or even love-bombed to get you back in their control. Stay steady. You’re not being unkind, you’re being clear. It’s okay to say, “This isn’t working for me” or “I need some space.”

Stop trying to prove your worth. You are not here to convince anyone of your value. If someone can’t see you clearly that is their limitation not yours. Trust your inner knowing more than their version of your story.

Keep a journal. Narcissistic patterns can distort your sense of what’s real. Writing things down can bring back clarity. It’s not petty, it’s self-protection.

And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is create distance.That may be physical, emotional or energetic. Even if you can’t cut ties completely, you can reduce access to your inner world. Peace is sacred and sometimes silence is your strongest boundary.

A gentle note for those watching someone else being controlled: this is something I’ve been hearing more often. Clients who know, sometimes with heartbreaking clarity, that someone they love is caught in a toxic dynamic. It’s especially painful when it’s a child, a parent or someone in your close family.

In these cases it’s vital to send love to the person being affected. Don’t fill the space with fear or panic. They’ll pick up your energy on a subconscious level especially if they are sensitive too. Instead of holding them in worry, try to hold them in light. See them strong. Imagine them safe. Speak their name gently in your prayers, your meditations, your journal.

It’s hard I know. But your steady presence can become a lighthouse in a storm. Make it shine.

You didn’t end up in this pattern because you’re fragile. You’re here because you’re sensitive and that’s a strength.

But now you get to direct that sensitivity inward. To nourish yourself. To honour what your body is telling you. To stop rescuing people who choose not to change.

You can still be loving. But now you get to love you first. You are allowed to break cycles. You are allowed to rest and you are allowed to heal.

And when you're ready, whether you need support, stillness or just someone to help you feel safe in your own body again, I’m here.

PS Sorry this is a long one but the subject deserved extra time and effort. I hope even some of it helps.

References:

American Psychological Association. (2023). Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder.https://www.apa.org

WebMD. (2023). Signs of Narcissistic Behavior & How to Cope.https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Mayo Clinic. (2024). Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Symptoms and Causes.https://www.mayoclinic.org

Psychology Today. (2024). Why Narcissists and Empaths Attract Each Other.https://www.psychologytoday.com